Wednesday, September 23, 2009

心里好想好想，可是我一定要坚持下去...

11:31 PM

Monday, September 21, 2009

If only memories can be erased like reformatting a computer, maybe my heart won't hurt so bad each time... Even till now, the pain hasn't let up, not even a bit...

4:26 PM

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Its early in the morning and rain is pouring down outside, while i'm comfortably sitting in my hall room with the air con on. I can't seem to get to sleep with so much memories weighing on my mind. I'm already much better than what I was a month plus ago. I know that my space here is still very gloomy, with the stuff I'm writing. But this is what I wanna jot down...

Came across old photos and a very sweet note saved in my laptop. I already forgot this note actually existed... But its so typical of me to have saved the note down. It would have been so very meaningful... yet now, its like a knife cutting thru my heart... it was such a random note, but it showed so much love and sweetness...

Sometimes I wished that I can no longer feel anything for u... But each time, I get so affected by everything that has even the slightest link to u... I hate this side of me.

I hope tonight is not going to be another sleepless night... When u dun even care anymore...

2:31 AM

Monday, September 14, 2009

The sweetest memories just became the most painful thing ever...

2:03 PM

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I'm still hurting so much rite now, especially when I think of u... the pain is getting unbearable...

11:09 PM

now then i realise how difficult it is just to find a listening ear late in the night in hall... I miss everyone....

1:46 AM

new day, and no improvement or any conclusion... i'm still confused and troubled... I just cannot make myself be so hard-hearted enough to do the final decision... I just cannot do it... i feel so tired already... sometimes i wish i'm not here...

12:30 AM

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

my heart feels like its being ripped apart... all i can say...

1:22 AM

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Please tell me what to do... I'm so confused... I really dunno what to do... I'm in so deep... Someone pls help me...

1:12 PM

It hurts it hurts it hurts....

I'm happy that u came and talked to me... But seeing the picture just hurts my heart so bad.... Pls dun do this to me.... I am not strong... I'm trying my best to forget... But I can't... I really cannot forget how much I still care no matter how I hide and lie, even to myself... Please...

you never placed our photo... and now u do wif yurs... I dunno wat to say... Sometimes I wonder if u really meant wat u said to me... I dun even noe how am I to recover from all these...

I can't believed how deep is my feelings for u, even up till now...

12:15 PM

Monday, September 07, 2009

4th day and counting...

Thinking of u and caring about u only will hurt me even more... yet I can't help but commit this crime towards myself...

3:11 PM

Tired... Hangover from the butter factory night! Nice place.. just drank too much...~ bleah~ no more tequila pop, at least not like 4 cups at 1 go!! dots dots... the puking is so so awful to take!!! Argh~~ Stoopid mood!!! I dun have so much stomach power to keep doing this lor, even if its kinda unexpected... Waiting for pple to send me photos... can't put them up yet...

Still into my 3rd day of gloom n emo... haiz... why ah? I dun get it... Why havent I gotten over it yet? Every little thing is still affecting me so bad... hurry n recover bah ME!!!

12:03 AM

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Still the same today... Tears just threatened to fall anytime... I dun wan to think back at all.. but it just keep popping into my mind. Y now? I dun get it...

The hurt u gave me... it will never go away... no matter how long time gives... heal it will, but the scar will forever remain... I hope u r happy about it... cos i'm not

6:47 PM

I must not care anymore... I must ignore everything I see...

12:57 AM

Friday, September 04, 2009

i close my eyes and memories replay right in my mind, every single bit... the pain comes right back together with everything... i just cannot get it out of my mind... especially when everywhere i go, i see places, things, even food we shared. why did it flood back?

Pain, the pain in my heart.. even till now... I dun wanna cry again... u dun even care if i'm hurting

it really hurts so much... i can no longer control my tears...

10:50 PM

Thursday, September 03, 2009

The one enjoying the expensive ice cream!!!

Nice nice choco ice cream with added choco blocks & brownies n choco drizzle!!! ARGH!!! gonna get fat!!!

My lab pic from this afternoon's lab... colour not so nice...

Leaf that was mutilated by me & my roomie hahaha...

The cross section of a plant stem... So cool!! Can't believe i can use my hp cam to take a microscope picture... Right thru the eyepiece!!! =D

Oooo... can't open my eyes in time for my 8.30am lecture. In the end, I could only go for lab at 11.30am. Simple lab of cutting *maybe mix a bit of mutilation of plant* of a plant stem.. trying to cut as thinly as possible and then staining it and mounting it on a slide.. quite fun lar...

Then got out of NTU after class with Karen to shop for masks for D&D... so-so only... since I've already got my outfit, din see the need for me to get a mask. Saw some devil horns.. so nice!!!!

Then went dinner with Chris n ZY lo... as seen above, ate a bit of expensive ice cream! hahaha but there was student discount so it was a wee bit cheaper... & i just had the VERY SAME ice cream with my TL just yesterday!! I'm gonna grow fat & die le lar!!!! Sob sob... My TL "caught" me doing the same things we did yest with another person & she called me a "沙滩" .... so sad!! Hahaha... but dear TL, i din 对不起 you wor~~~ hahahha....*opps!*

11:06 PM

Not sleepy at all... Feels good to have a good chat with friends... Shopping later in the day!! Woohoo!!

3:15 AM

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

~I am no prince,
I am no saint,
I am not anyone's wildest dream,
But I will stand behind

And be someone to fall back on.~

2:27 PM

Just before I sleep... to jot down a few thoughts.

Mood is definitely much better and coping well... Still have moments that sends shiver or cold down my body... Everything still matters even when I tell myself "No, it doesn't matter anymore." Found many new things that I can do and getting my interest back as well in things I din wanna do after it all...

Some things surprisingly occurred that I dunno how come it happened... But I must not ponder into it... Cos its not possible, no matter how much I care...

"Have the confidence to overcome all obstacles... Believe in your own strength... "

that's all I can offer u rite now...

*Going to bed with mixed feelings... hope it will be a dreamless night...*

2:44 AM

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Back from class... Raining so heavily now in NTU... But i have the air con on!! Muahaha... a bit sick again in the morning with slight flu n cough. Feels much better after taking medication. =)

Went class at 8.30am, ended at 9.30am... Zzzz... felt a bit waste of time to get out of my cozy bed and drag myself to lecture... but oh well hahaha....

Still thinking abit about my dream this morning... Not as affected as much anymore but still thinking through it... Hope I will forget it soon enuff... No use dwelling upon it also.

Forgotten to bring my camera cable back to hall... cannot upload my photos!!! Sob!!

DnD coming next weekend!!! *shocked* Time flew by so fast!! I still havent gather all my accessories yet! No money to buy le! Dun tink got enuff time to buy materials to make my gloves as well... maybe just a choker bah... Oooo i love my outfit!! Can't wait for DnD! Even brought my Death Note back to hall!! Wahahaha... lucky I managed to dig it out from somewhere in my room at home. I feel happier being at home lately... Maybe cos of the environment. Hall has too much memories already that I do not want to be reminded of... Must consider properly before I make my final decision. After DnD bah....

11:13 AM

Just got rudely awaken by a dream. A dream so real it scares me... Opened my eyes even before I had a chance to see what the ending will be like...

Will I throw myself in between them in order to risk my own life to protect him? Why is he the one that came to my rescue? Why am I so affected by a dream, that means nothing at all?

Uneasiness... 1st thing in the morning... *gloom*

7:56 AM

School semester has once again started. Suppose to revamp this place but havent found a nice skin to suit me. I need something dark n gothic...

Slowly picking up the pieces... thanks to the many people that cared so much for me, especially my gang of great pals of over 10 years... I'm so sorry for the many calls and sms that I made out to u guys, yet u all keep telling me "It's ok.. just lean on us or call us when u need to talk." I really cannot understand till now how all these happened and how 1 person can turn my whole world upside down... I still cannot really pick my whole life back yet, but each and everyday, as I tink of all of u.. it helps to keep me happy and look forward. Even till now, I still need to find u all for help and to lend me yur ears (even though they probably had been burnt by my constant need to pour my heart out about the same thing).

Quoting from a very old source: Whatever will be, will be... I do not know what my future will be or how it will turn out in the end... but whatever will be, will be in the end...

2:47 AM